Crafting Writers, K-6, Elizabeth Hale

Show, not Tell

“Writers need words that create images and emotions for other people in addition to telling a story (Crafting Writers, K-6, Elizabeth Hale, page 43).

 

Often teachers of writing suggest to their students that they need to move away from telling a feeling to showing a feeling.  The leap is too big for many writers.  I suggest we teach all the steps to help the writers, and we don’t demand that they use them.  We are trying to assist our students, not get in their way.  I found it helpful to take the same sentence and write it in all five steps.  However, I am an adult writer.  My experience as a teacher is that moving from step one directly to step five is difficult for children and often unsuccessful. 

 

Hale suggests that we teach five steps:

1.    Tell a feeling

2.    Tell a feeling, then give a reason

3.    Using so…that

4.    Telling the feeling.  Then showing it!

5.    Showing a feeling instead of telling it.

 

Step one

The first step telling a feeling is very obvious.  Example sentences:  I was mad. I am embarrassed. He is disappointed.  Most beginning writers are accomplished at this first step.  It helps the reader because it tells what the character is feeling. 

 

Step two

The second step is tell a feeling, then give a reason.  An example sentence:  I was embarrassed in the grocery store because I overheard Andrew whispering behind me, “bottom, heels.”  It helps the reader because it connects the feeling directly with a reason.  It gives the reader something to react to. 

 

Step three

The third step is using so feeling…that to describe a feeling.  An example sentence: I was so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl into the grocery cart and cover myself up with Kleenex.   It helps the reader because it builds more emotion.  It describes the emotion for the reader. 

 

Step four

The fourth step is telling the feeling, then describing it.  An example sentence:  I was embarrassed.  My face flushed as red as a strawberry as I quickly moved down the aisle away from the old lady’s judging eyes staring into my bottom.  This type of sentence helps the reader because it states the feeling so there is no doubt what feeling is being stated.  It includes lots of description to build a picture in the reader’s mind. 

 

Step five

The fifth step is Showing a Feeling instead of Telling.  An example sentences:  My cheeks were turning as red as strawberries as I strode the away from the old lady shaking her judgmental head.   My ears continued to burn as I overheard my son mutter, “bottom and heels,” as I reached for a box of cereal to put in the grocery cart.  This type of sentence(s) helps the reader because it describes the feeling without giving it away by stating it.  The sentence depends on the reader to build a mental image using the words to figure out the feeling that the writer is describing. 

 

I strongly recommend that you purchase this book for your writing book collection.  It is awesome!  Crafting Writers, K-6, Elizabeth Hale

Don Murray Quote

“I write every day for two hours. But it’s what I do for the other twenty-two hours that allows me to write.”
Don Murray

Small Moment: Adding Details that Matter

Objective:  Today your job is to remember what your character/person is doing and write down the words of what you see in your mind. 

One of the lessons that my students need is adding details that add to the story instead of boring details.  Typically writers tell us that the sky is blue, the clouds are white, the bike is red.  The writer using adjectives.  We need to move our writers to writing strong verbs that describe the actions of the characters.  I don’t necessarily say (especially to my first and second grade writers), “We are writing strong verbs that describe the actions of the characters.”  Instead I ask my writers,

• “What did you do when you were swinging at the park?” 
• “What did you do when you saw Grandma sitting by the tree with the wrapped present?”
• “What did you do when you were digging a hole at the beach?”

(This is is assuming that the writer is the character.    The question is also suggesting and supporting verb choice.)

The teacher might encourage the child to picture  what he/she was doing at the beach.  “Close your eyes and remember remember digging the hole in the sand.” 

The child talks to the teacher about the memory:  I remember running on the sand that was hot enough to fry an egg.  The sand sticks to you like glue.  I helped my cousin dump buckets of water into the hole I dug with my cousin. 

Teacher says, “You have told me important details that you remember about your day at the beach.” 

Teacher continues by asking, “What does it look like to dig a hole at the beach?”  She helps the writer act out digging, shoveling, patting, dumping as they practice saying the sentences together.  “I am digging a hole.  I am shoveling the sand.”

Teacher continues talking, “Now let’s think about how these details would sound as a story.”

Kid Story: 

On a hot summer day I played in the sand with my cousin.  I scooped the light sand with my shovel first.  “Look out,” I said as the sand fell back in the hole.  We dragged the dry sand away from the hole with our whole arms.  My cousin said, “It worked.”  I thought the sand was sticky like syrup, but I didn’t mind.  We dug deep, poured water and patted the sides.  I dumped a pail of sand into the water every time my cousin and I filled it.  “Let’s stick our feet in it!” I said to my cousin when we finished.  The sand was wet and squishy.  It was great fun.

Teacher says, “Today I was thinking about digging a hole in the sand.  I was describing what it looked like.  Remember whenever you write, you need to think about the person doing something.”

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I am moving my blog here. I will still post writing and reading lessons here.

 

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MEME: The Best Book I Have Not Read Blog

has an interesting post: 

http://bestbookihavenotread.wordpress.com/2008/12/10/the-nearest-book-trail/

Participate in this fast and easy book meme – or follow the trail and find out where it started (if find out, let us know!).

Here are the rules:

* Get the book nearest to you. Right now.
* Go to page 56.
* Find the 5th sentence.
* Write this sentence – either as a comment here or on your blog (link back to us by replacing the trail link with this blog’s link).
* Copy these instructions as commentary of your sentence.
* Don’t look for your favorite book or your coolest but really the nearest.

 My book is Comprehension Connection by Tanny  McGregor (Publisher is Heinemann).  The quote comes from a chapter about inferring.  Tanny is describing listening between the lines where the children listen to the song and infer the symbolism and the figure out the layers of meaning.  She includes her favorite songs in this section. 

“The possibilities are endless: try searching your local library or your personal music collection.”

Small Moments: Person Who is Significant During The Holidays

Often teachers ask me about topic generation. I also know nothing sends terror down the spine of a teacher, then 20 or 25 children who are complaining, “I don’t have anything to write about.” Obviously, I am exaggerating!   Or a child who has written about the same frog for 26 days in a row. It is not a matter of assigning a topic or not a matter of saying, “Don’t assign topics!” The solution is in what is happening in the discussion before writing. When I enter a classroom as a writing consultant, I want all children to write, as do all the teachers, I have ever met. So how does this happen? Students need ideas not assignments for topics.

As we look forward to seeing our students tomorrow, I think about the writing workshops across the country. I want students to write about their significant people. I want children to write about what matters to them. I know if we help our students through questioning to think about traditions that matter, they will write about them. Who did they see over break? What happens every year?
I could write about…

After dinner, Santa comes to our house. He is real. …

OR

Everyone in our family knows that my mom does not mail presents. We all open presents at my mom and dad’s house on Christmas morning. …

OR

My dad cooks once a year. Christmas morning breakfast …

As I think about the ‘who’ and a tradition, it helps trigger a memory and a tradition I could write about. This is what we need to do with our students to prevent a list of “What I got for Christmas!”

I wrote about this topic previously here: Person: Think of person that matters to you

and here: writing about special people

and here: Gooney Bird book teaches about personal narrative

Writing about a Class Experience

One writing idea is to have the class experience something, then write about this experience.

-Sing a song, then tell the students about it, have the students turn and talk about it, then the teacher writes about it using story language.
-Line up to come inside from recess. If it is a nice day, instead of going inside, write outside right now. We just lined up to go inside, let’s write about that. The teacher tells the story on her/his fingers. The writing partners tell the story to each other. I have my chart paper outside and model how right there.
-Walk the kids over to the slide. Have all the students climb up the ladder and slide down. Listen to their language. What are the details you hear? What specific words are the children saying? Everyone sits down after the class experience. First, the teacher tells the story using story language. Next the writing partners turn and talk to each other practicing telling the story using story language. The teacher should model writing about the experience before the children write.
-After a field trip, write about the class experience.
-After any other common experiences by the class, it lends to writing: fire drills, lunch room, music, gym, etc.

We worked on small moments. I modeled my own small moment and then as a class we made one together about lining up for recess. The objective is to take an idea and stretch it out…like an elastic band. We will be working on small moments (narratives) for the entire term. For many of the students it is a new concept.

Articles that May Impact Teaching

Here are very interesting on line articles to read. Science Daily Articles link
twowritingteachers wrote about Literacy-Related News Stories so I read the links.

These are stories that I found to be interesting. There are lots more. If you write about them on your blog, please link my post to yours. Thanks!

I am intrigued about how MRI’s will impact our knowledge in education. The article says, “The prefrontal regions of the brain that were most affected by the lack of development are important for numerous intellectual functions, including attention, planning and social judgment.” Premies have overcome so many hardships. As we figure out the least restrictive environment and high expectations and realistic expectations given the No Child Left Behind Pressure. Science Daily link Womb Needed for Proper Brain Development This is a topic dear to my heart. As we have high expectations and believe that all children can learn, we have to figure out where children’s needs are being met.

Another article that intrigued me on the Science Daily site
Science Daily Neuroscientists Find That Men And Women Respond Differently To Stress (Men Are From Mars) This is a video and article showing how men and women process stress differently. I think it is something that teachers have to remember when we have our students in stressful situations. Boys and girls react differently to stress. Girls want to talk about it and are social. Boys often are in fight or flight mode. This scientific study shows that the brain confirms what we already know. It was very interesting.

My husband listens to NPR all the time.
http://www.npr.org/
Every now and then, he will mention an interview that I should listen to. A few years ago I listened to Chris Van Allsburg. This year I heard Judy Blume. I also enjoy listening to author’s discuss their process and their books. I read numerous Judy Blume books as a preteen. It was awesome hearing her.
Judy Blume’s Love, Writing About Kids Ages 9-12 interview on NPR

It was interesting hearing about how Sesame Street came to be. ‘Sesame Street’ Changed Television For Children link on NPR

Writing in Kindergarten

I find one of the questions I am asked frequently is, “What does writing look like with kinders?” This writing teacher has lots of great writing going on!

Kindergarten site with writing examples from her kinders

Summary Lesson for Expository Text

50 Essential Lessons by Jim Burke is an awesome resource! Two lessons are about Summarization. Lesson 22: Summarize and Lesson 23: Write an Effective Paragraph are both lessons that I refer to in this blog post. Jim Burke deserves all the credit! I recommend Jim’s 50 lessons to all HS teachers (college too). They work.

Summary Lesson

When students write a paragraph it has to have these elements in this order:
Focus
Organization
Development
Purpose

Focus – explain how to establish a focusThe subject plus the main idea is the focus. What is the author trying to say about the subject? What is the author’s purpose for writing the article? What is the author trying to tell me about the topic? What is the writer trying to teach me about the subject?

Organization – Use the organizational patterns/text structure patterns to identify organizational elements.
Think about text structure. This will help you when you write the summary in expository text. How is the article organized? Is is cause and effect? Is it organized by classification? Is is compare and contrast? Make sure that you label the the organizational pattern (text structure).

Development – Discuss and label details that contribute to development
Examples
Explanations
Description

Students need to find a detail from the article to make a point. To expand their thinking, the student needs to give an example to show what they mean, the students also need to offer an example and explain how it relates to the focus.

Purpose – discuss the purpose of paragraphSo what is the purpose of their paragraph?
This is barely a tip of the iceburg. This lesson is better described in the book. I hoped I described it enough so that you want to buy his book.